At the height of my sobriety is my ability to express my truth authentically
Another empty bottle, a night I regret.
The smell of vodka pours from my sweat.
Trapped between the past and future, I
am walking on thin ice. One wrong
step, my life, the price. — GK
After a heavy night of drinking, these words above poured out on the empty pages of my journal. The cold fingers of addiction suffocated my truth and held me down for almost twenty years. Most of the time, I never thought twice about it because I was good at disguising my suffering. Looking back, I know this is far from the truth.
My relationship with alcohol was like a stubborn ex-partner you keep going back to when you know they will treat you like shit. It wasn’t how often I drank but why and when that led to the destruction of my life.
Today, I am two years sober.
Since choosing to have my last drink, I’ve cried more times than I can remember. I came face to face with this fiery demon who called me to get lost in a sea of false beliefs and worries any chance he got. I thought about running…a lot. I thought about losing myself in a bottle. But I didn’t.
There are plenty of people who will read this story and find parts they do not like and deny their demons. And that's okay because I was once there too, but there’s a reason why you are reading my story at this moment.
If you have an open mind, my story might change your relationship with alcohol.
Want to read this story later? Save it in Journal.
What makes me qualified to talk about addiction and alcoholism if I am only a few years into my rebirth?
After hitting rock bottom, sobriety is my choice to feel everything. It is my authentic self, my truth. At the height of it all, I am reminded of what it’s like to be human.
Ever since I left for the Marines in 2002, I hid what I felt by one form or another of addictive behaviors. From extreme workouts, long work days, sex, gambling, porn, alcohol, and occasionally drugs, it all caused me to pay the price of dancing with darkness.