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The Secret To Love Isn’t What You Think
Taken From An Essay In My Book Nowhere To Go
Several months into my sobriety, one of my mentors asked me, “When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and said, ‘I love you?” My stomach dropped. I felt my heart scream at me behind the walls of heartbreak and fought to hold back the tears running down my cheeks.
She went on to say, “You are looking for something that is not lacking. You give your love to others in hopes to heal what aches. While the pain you are experiencing is deep, have you ever considered that the sense of emptiness you feel is because you separated yourself from your heart a long time ago?”
Up until that point, I hadn’t thought about love that way. It was as if I’d left the love I felt for myself behind to fill what felt hollow.
I went into the bathroom after our conversation and looked at myself in the mirror. This time, I didn’t see a thousand-yard stare or a lost, lonely boy, but a glimpse into the soul of a grounded man with integrity and an open heart. As I held my gaze and continued to breathe deeply, I realized what I seek in others is fundamentally mine to own first. I put a hand on my heart and realized that our suffering can never be defeated or washed away but only transformed when we explore the love we have for ourselves…
