The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Life

Friday Flow- The Tug-O-War

Sweat rolled down my cheeks after another restless night of sleep. I walked into the bathroom at 3:37 am. I have no clue who the man in the mirror is staring back at me. What is my body trying to tell me?

I’m 38 years old, sitting at a countertop in my sister’s house, looking back on my life, not understanding how in the fuck I ended up here. Yes, I have a plan. But that doesn’t mean anything when you feel like you are in a tug-o-war with life.

I know writing is a way to look at the dark side of my life. Yet, I still feel clueless. A man with an MBA. A combat veteran. A father. A writer. I’ve even sat silently in the desert for four days alone.

That’s the problem.

I’ve done so much shit that I don’t know who the fuck George is.

I remember being my daughter’s age, riding bikes all day long after school for freedom. Then I grew up and left that little boy alone in the night’s dark shadows.

Since my divorce, I’ve felt like I’ve been searching for that little boy. Sleepless nights. Mindless sex. Hard workouts. More sex. Therapy. Writing. I left the personal training world. My father died.