Swipe Right on Life: The Hilarious Maze of Modern Dating at 39

Love, Laughter, and Lessons So You Don’t Have To Feel Bad

George Kalantzis

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Dating — the universal glue that holds our messy lives together. That’s why we jump onto those apps, right? It’s like a crash course in self-discovery, served with a side of heartbreak, a sprinkling of lessons, and a dash of “what the heck did I just experience?”

Let’s not kid ourselves — the dating scene right now is like a circus without a ringmaster.

It’s like we’ve all collectively forgotten the ancient art of genuine connection. Instead, we’re swiping right as if our lives depend on it, then swiping left, only to end up in a pit of despair, wondering why the dating gods are conspiring against us.

Sex? Oh, that’s as accessible as your favorite cat video on YouTube. Everyone’s aiming to rack up notches on their bedpost to boost their fragile ego. From Onlyfans to one night stands, we’re on apps trying to find “the one,” or hitting up bars in search of a good time.

But why do we keep downloading those apps only to delete them in frustration, or take a break shorter than a catnap?

I’ll be honest with you; it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve downloaded Bumble, Hinge, or Tinder into my life, they always overstay their welcome. It’s like they move in, binge-watch a Netflix series, and eat all the snacks in the fridge.

Did someone say co-dependency…or carpel tunnel?

We’re all guilty — swiping, a few dates here and there, or zero dates because it’s online dating. Then, we say fuck it and chuck the app like it’s yesterday’s trash. Sometimes we’re in it for a “good time,” other times for a good chat, and sometimes it’s just a way…

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George Kalantzis

George is a professional storyteller, a dad to a sassy and adventurous eight year-old girl, and the author Of Nowhere To Go