Friday Flow 10/9/20

Ironically, almost twenty years later, I have returned home to confront what must be healed- GK

In the moments I awaken when the world is fast asleep, I feel the beating of my heart as the shadows of the past try to pull me deep. The not so gentle reminder of my painful past is but an illusion in only a world I can see. It’s quiet here for a moment as I watch the sunlight slipping through the blinds showing the world a new day has begun. I too, begin a new life, a chance for something or someone to emerge.

I woke up this morning with sweat dripping down my face as if I just ran a marathon. I feel like I am trapped more than ever before as the world fights for freedom on every level as a collective. I haven’t had dreams like these in a long time. 2020 was supposed to be the year I rise from my ashes, but with COVID-19 and the American elections, I have no clue who to believe or who to trust these days. Heck, I don’t even trust myself. Have I fallen back into my pit of darkness?

All my life I have been pretending to fit in with society when these days I look around and see everyone else is as fucked up as I am, if not more. I’m not okay on most days, cause I haven’t been in a long time. Will I take responsibility for my life or seek to play the victim game? I don’t know, but the battle I face seems worth fighting for this time.