Real love is no easy path- the readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover- Jeff Brown
If you have ever been through a divorce, you know the constant battle of shame, regret, sadness, anger, and frustration that make you doubt yourself as a human.
For months I would playback the highlight reels.
Our tears, laughter, and the birth of our daughter. I continued to reach into the past to make my feelings of hopelessness whiter away. After all, we were the perfect couple.
At least that is the story I constructed in my head.
Before filing for divorce, I constructed stores and narratives of what marriage and fatherhood would be. I tried so hard never to be like my parents. But, in the end, I was everything like them and those stories killed my relationship.
While I am still in the midst of the fire, and divorce appears to be what is an impossible solution for both parties, I’d like to share some lessons on what I learned in my process.
Love Is Earned, Not Bought
Learning about love has been one of my toughest lessons in life but also my favorite.
I thought love and marriage would be like a Hollywood romantic comedy.
Yes, you read those words correctly. And we can both laugh about the quote because I think too many people dream like I once did.
I do not regret all that we did as a couple. Those experiences we had were amazing. I’m coming to you as a divorced man acknowledging the fact that I put love on a pedestal.
Like most young men, I thought love was about all the grand gestures, experiences, milestones, and things that I did for my wife. In reality, while those milestones and gestures can strengthen relationships, they can also push them farther away.
True love is so much simpler than all of those adventures.
I could not see my ex-wife loved me for all of who I was as a man. When things got…