Ten years ago, I walked over…. wait, a girl walked over to me, and we soon traveled the world together. Today would have been our sixth wedding anniversary. A day where we probably would have had a fancy dinner and some ice-cream while we watched Harry Potter and laughed at the simple things in life. And while I’m still going to have some ice-cream and watch Harry Potter, I would have never imagined in my life that we would be here today.
We laughed, we cried, we fought, but more importantly, we loved hard. In the process, things broke, we broke, and our hearts shattered to a million pieces in a world filled with confusion and sorrow.
I wore so much armor around my heart, it caused a chasm between our souls. I know you longed for real intimacy, but there were parts of myself that I did not love. As a result, I could never see that you loved me for who I was because I was conditioned to believe I had to wear more armor to protect my heart. I now recognize that love will always thrive on freedom.
All I ever wanted was a family of my own. Somehow, I got lost in the accumulation of materialism and thought these things would make me more of a man. Yet those were the exact things that drove us farther apart. There are no words that can undo who I was in the battle between our hearts. I know I hid behind many masks. But I have somehow found more courage and strength to learn from our love and use it to make the world a better place. To be the best father and role model for our daughter.
I am grateful that you believed in me during some of my most challenging times, and I also understand why you had to go. So I ask if we can share all of the memories we had before our darkest hours. Maybe for one breath, we actually see each other as human beings and parents in a world longing for love. Not as two souls who clashed in a battle between resentment, anger, and blame.
This is for our first kiss. This is for those scavenger hunts that led to the crinkle in your nose when you light up inside. Although I never could say it, I loved the way, you smiled at me. This is for your beautiful heart that stayed open when I went away to Afghanistan. I now recognize the courage it took for you to stay with me.